we made out on top of his cat.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Damn victory sex feels great
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
