i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
