No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
