You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
