I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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