Got a toothbrush?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
