She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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