Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
