i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
