im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
