Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
