Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
