OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
