It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
