guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
