She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
