im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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