Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
