Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
