so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
