my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
