my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Two words: nipple clamps
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