Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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