We won't sleep together?
Someone shit on the floor
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
