Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
