Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
