i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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