the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
