I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
