guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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