My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
