i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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