can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
