She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
