apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
