I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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