Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
