I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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