I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
