Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
