it wasn't lemon gatorade
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Two words: blizzard sex
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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