and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
