are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
