I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
