You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
