the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
