Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
