so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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