hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
