My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
