so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
