also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
