wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
