I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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