dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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