Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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