I am in a vortex of obligation.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
