dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
