she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize