I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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