I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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