you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
