i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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