remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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