oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
