Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
