It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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