Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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