definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
