You really coming over, don't trick.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
